Not as it seems…

I’m not as dependable as i seem.

 

Maybe i can console you when you’re down,

or maybe i can cheer you up when you’re sad.

Maybe i can provide you a listening ear when you’re troubled.

I can be there just as a friend.

Your friend.

 

I’m there when you need me. 

I’m jealous of you,

that you can show your feelings ever so simply.

I wish i could as well,

but alas, 

I’m not as expressive as i seem.

 

Beneath my constant laughter’s and smiles,

hides plenty of troubles and doubts.

It’s just me,

I don’t know how to show my emotions.

 

I can’t say i love you.

Not to my friends,

not to my parents.

Perhaps i haven’t exactly felt love before?

 

I don’t cry in front of anyone anymore.

This i’m sure of.

I don’t want to see anyone see me cry.

I actually really don’t know why.

Perhaps i don’t want others to worry about me.

Then again, who really does?

 

I have twitter and instagram,

but i don’t rant on my life like others do.

At least, not when i’m not anonymous.

Perhaps I can’t find that person who i’m willing to fess to.

But is there really someone?

 

I laugh easily.

So easily that you guys think i’m easily amused.

I am.

But the people who laugh most,

tend to be the ones who are suffering the most.

 

Ha.

I’m ranting know.

I don’t know why.

Now,

all i can say is.

I’m not who i seem to be.

 

I wish i could be the girl who laughs 24/7.

I wish i could be the girl who does well in her studies.

I wish i could be the girl good in sports.

I wish i could be the good daughter.

I wish i could be everything everyone thinks i am.

But i’m not.

 

I wish i was, 

but no.

 

I’m the girl who laughs for half a day then cries alone in my room.

I’m the girl who struggles to keep up studying and hell she barely studies.

I’m the girl who sucks at running.

I’m the girl who can’t be compared to her sister no matter what she does.

I’m the girl who is not as dependable as she seems.

 

But the thing about this girl. 

Is that she worries too much about others.

She knows it, but it can’t be helped.

She gives advice who she can’t even follow.

She tries her best but can never reach expectations.

 

Ha….

The thing about her,

is that she’s broken doll.

And the other thing is,

no one knows about her. 

The real her. 

 

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