Back in those days..

Do you remember back in those days, when you were still a child. That you cared nothing else but to play and have fun? You would hang out with anyone who would play with you. Talk to anyone when you’re bored. Speak up your mind and barely anyone gets mad at you? Well that was back when we’re young.

Now? Basically there’s more to it than to have fun. Most people would focus more on grades or popularity rather than play. Or maybe so. But well.. Now everything seems to matter. Who we talked to, what we do. It’s for the name, rather than the reason.

Back when we were a kid, dreaming seems so easy. We just played for fun, rather than focusing on making memories.

Now? We do everything for a purpose. Pride, fame, lies all exist now. To keep it, we risk everything.

Back when we’re a kid, there was no such thing as pride or lies. We laugh or cry as we want. We did stupied things. Laugh, cried, ran all we want, all for ourselves. Looking back now, those were probably the happiest times of our lives.

Now, we’re older. Then, we wished we could grow up faster. Now, I wish I can go back. Back to those days, where there is no stress.

But this is part and parcel of life. We grow up to be who we are. People don’t change, they just become more of who they really are. There is always this someone, or something that comes across in a point of your life. They/It brings you out of you. Gives you the confidence that you once lost.

Back then, confidence, is a bystatement. Whether you have it or not, there will still be people playing with you. Now, without confidence, you get played around instead.

Not as it seems…

I’m not as dependable as i seem.

 

Maybe i can console you when you’re down,

or maybe i can cheer you up when you’re sad.

Maybe i can provide you a listening ear when you’re troubled.

I can be there just as a friend.

Your friend.

 

I’m there when you need me. 

I’m jealous of you,

that you can show your feelings ever so simply.

I wish i could as well,

but alas, 

I’m not as expressive as i seem.

 

Beneath my constant laughter’s and smiles,

hides plenty of troubles and doubts.

It’s just me,

I don’t know how to show my emotions.

 

I can’t say i love you.

Not to my friends,

not to my parents.

Perhaps i haven’t exactly felt love before?

 

I don’t cry in front of anyone anymore.

This i’m sure of.

I don’t want to see anyone see me cry.

I actually really don’t know why.

Perhaps i don’t want others to worry about me.

Then again, who really does?

 

I have twitter and instagram,

but i don’t rant on my life like others do.

At least, not when i’m not anonymous.

Perhaps I can’t find that person who i’m willing to fess to.

But is there really someone?

 

I laugh easily.

So easily that you guys think i’m easily amused.

I am.

But the people who laugh most,

tend to be the ones who are suffering the most.

 

Ha.

I’m ranting know.

I don’t know why.

Now,

all i can say is.

I’m not who i seem to be.

 

I wish i could be the girl who laughs 24/7.

I wish i could be the girl who does well in her studies.

I wish i could be the girl good in sports.

I wish i could be the good daughter.

I wish i could be everything everyone thinks i am.

But i’m not.

 

I wish i was, 

but no.

 

I’m the girl who laughs for half a day then cries alone in my room.

I’m the girl who struggles to keep up studying and hell she barely studies.

I’m the girl who sucks at running.

I’m the girl who can’t be compared to her sister no matter what she does.

I’m the girl who is not as dependable as she seems.

 

But the thing about this girl. 

Is that she worries too much about others.

She knows it, but it can’t be helped.

She gives advice who she can’t even follow.

She tries her best but can never reach expectations.

 

Ha….

The thing about her,

is that she’s broken doll.

And the other thing is,

no one knows about her. 

The real her. 

 

Smile~

There’s always a reason to smile.
A smile lights up the world.
Remember the time,
where everything seems down.
Then,
You saw someone smiling at you.
Instantly, you smiled back.
A smile lights up the world.

Always find a reason to smile.
There will be one.
Remember the time,
When you broke up with your first.
Then,
You realised that,
Perhaps he or she wasn’t the one.You smiled knowing you’ll find,
Find someone better.

Always find a reason to smile.
Even when times are tough.
Remember the time,
When everything goes wrong.
Then,
You’ll know,
Nothing can get worse than that.

Smile,
It may not be easy.
But sure it’s easy to do.
Real or fake one doesn’t matter,
As much as other people do.
They may not realise,
That the smile may contain tears.
Tears filled with sorrow.

But you can’t deny.
Smiling lights up the world.
It’s a simple gesture,
That means so much more.
Smile,
For all you want.
As they say,
Smile when you have teeth 🙂

I always knew l…

I always knew looking back on my tears would bring we laughter, but i never knew looking back on my laughter would make me cry.
– Cat Stevens

How true this is 🙂

When we look back on (some) things that make us cry, we would tend to laugh at how silly we actually were. Like, dropping our ice-cream when we were young, unwilling to go to school, or maybe our first break up.

But, laughter. Things that we associate with laughter often brings us happiness, tears? I never thought so. But it’s true. More often or not we would leave out things that we were once happy about. Looking back at those times, knowing that we missed those times. Looking back at those times, knowing that we were happy for a reason. Looking back at those times, wanting to return to that period of time. Looking back at those times, remembering that those happy times, may never happen again…As they say, people change, but memories don’t. 

Expectations

We can’t stop people from having expectations of us. Parents, teachers, bosses, friends or classmates. They base their expectations on their impressions of us. I can’t deny not having expectations of my friends scoring well in a test or exams even though we have not taken the paper yet. Owing to the fact that we are inclined to think that they are smart, they will most definitely do well no matter what. This can come as a double-edged sword as well. On the bright side, this would give them confidence that they will do well, and that others have trust to think that they would do well. I mean, who doesn’t want to do well? However, they can also form up as stress. Too high of expectations can lead to fear of letting others down. Though they want to do well, but they have the pressure that they must do well, otherwise they would have let the people around them down.

It’s not bad to have high expectations, but the plus signs limit to who expects it. By having high expectations for others can give them the push they need to do their best, in turn letting them set high expectations of their own. BUT, the thing is, the expectations keep getting higher and higher as we grow. It gets more difficult to reach the target, this would result is us unable to reach out expectations. Unfortunately, this can be taken to two scenarios. First, the person takes the failure as a form of lesson, and learn from it, pushing him/her harder. Second, takes a big blow, believing that he/she will never meet the expectations or others and hence, deeming him/herself as a failure.

Depending on what you believe on, expectations can be either a devil or angel, heaven or hell, winx or trix (don’t judge me), you get what I mean. It can either assist in ur future or cause a disruption to it. This is, however, not telling you not to set high expectations of yourselves, but advising you not to set high expectations on others. People can set expectations themselves, we can use others to push ourselves to reach greater heights. We can measure ourselves using others, for example, getting a higher score than xxx the next time. Friendly competitions are good, but not overly competitive. This can also indirectly push others to achieve more as well, killing two birds with one stone! 🙂

All in all, everyone will have hidden expectations of others, whether you say it or not. It’s hard to not to really, there is always a certain image we pressure someone to be and to always be. But the thing is, no one likes to be placed in a category. It’s not like everyone has a name tag consisting of a category like, oh, she reads everyday, she must be smart or hey, he plays sports, he must have troubles in his studies. NO. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Whether they do well or not is their thing. Unless you’re somehow related, it gives us no right to opening expect them to behave in a certain way. Speaking of this, people related plays a more important role, what you say or act will more or less influence them. They might set their expectations based on you! This can go two ways as well. One, the more you expect from them, the more they expect for themselves. Or two, the more you expect from them, the less they expect from themselves.

Ciaos XP

Daily Dose Of Life #1

I was out today with  couple of friends, and i couldn’t help but notice the amount of couples at the mall together.

So, i was reminded of the couples in my school, my thought was that, will they marry the person they are currently dating?

I mean, most of them were probably their firsts, at least, the friends of mine. So, since i know both parties, will it be awkward if (IF, unfortunately) they break up? I mean, some are cool with it, you know, still are friends after the break-up, occasionally joking about it or bringing it up. But, there are others who, well, don’t take it so well. Suddenly they become strangers and all, turning away once they see the other. Isn’t it weird? Won’t it be weird? Like, they liked/loved each other for a period of time, but after a short period, they become strangers. HONESTLY. I don’t know, cause erm.. heh.. i’ve never been in a relationship before. I understand under some circumstances, maybe… erm.. ok. Actually i don’t. IDK love ok…

Since i’m on this topic……..geez……..why not mention my crush? 😛

Sooo…. there’s this guy, we are currently in the same class for the second year running 🙂 BUT. I’ve kinda, maybe, perhaps, kinda had a crush on him since like 3 years back? I didn’t know him then, and he didn’t know me. We simply took the same bus to school. He kinda caught me attention? XP and 2 years ago, when i knew that he was in my class i was like… sjdfsnfoadsnkfndsogjoerhgjfdklnvfds. GOSH. SPAAZZZZIINNGGGG. They had a list of people who are in the same class, i pathetically didn’t know his name THEN. SOOOOOO, imagine the shock i had when i saw him in the same room as me 😀 His like quite tall? THIN man(jealous…) and had pale skin. Initially i don’t know him like really, other than the bus he took i don’t know anything bout it. THEN, fate decides to play with me. The teacher placed us a table partners !!!!!!!!! :O:O IKR. so we sat beside each other for like 3-4 months? Me, being socially awkward, and to add on i had a crush on himmm, we didn’t really talk much. But still knew each others name and talk for like a while each day 🙂 This year, we aren’t table partners, and it did not, i mean DID NOT help that his table partner is a like, you know, pop, aka beauty. And unfortunately, my seat is able to see them clearly. … Geez. Compared to seating with me he’s like 100x more hyper and talks more…………………………………………………………………. Jealous is an understatement.. Honestly, no one knows about my crush XP not even my best bud. heh. Cause i wasn’t you know sure of stuff….

Any advice appreciated always.. 🙂

Problems

Problems.
No doubt everyone has them. It’s just a matter of how to solve it, or what nots. But it’s never easy.

#1: Family
No one has a perfect family, no matter how perfect it seems, there’s bound to be something somewhere. Well, at least for me. Some people get depressed because well, their parents set too high an expectation of their child. They would always feel as if their child can do better, even though the child gave their all. But of course, they say it’s for our own good, it will lead to a better future, but you know what, screw it. What we need is not good grades or scholarship, we need support and trust you know? We can’t put in our all if we feel that our best will never satisfy you. What’s the point? Care and concern, thats all we need and ask for, is it so difficult?

#2: School
People. Judgemental? You can avoid it. Especially in school. Like they say, if your fat, your judged. Too thin, judged. Get good grades, judged. Popular, judged. Normal student, judged. You can’t avoid other peoples eyes to land on you and not make a comment. Trust me. When I was like what, elementary school? I was kinda chubby, wasn’t exactly the size I am now, but hellloooo my age was like single digit then. Teacher had asked me to collect work from my row, there was this guy, who i clearly remember the name, calling me ‘fat’ and ‘ pig’. Trust me to be damn freaking shocked. Never in my life (for that few years) i had been called like that. It impacted me ALOT. Cause it’s like my first time, and you know, your first time in stuff normally impacts you the most. Yup, then, i lost some weight, at least i tried. Then, i gave up, cause i thought, why should i change just because someone called me names? But then, when i entered middle school, after joining sports clubs, and camps, i lost some weight naturally. But hey, no matter what you do, people will talk about you. You can either enjoy the attention, or cry other rejection.

#3: Friends?

What are true friends? People who will support you all the way, no matter what your choices are. I, certainly had my spill of it. Well, i evolved? And guess what, karma is really gets you back. When i was in like, erm, playschool? Well, around like kindergarten age, i vaguely remember being bossy like shit. I can’t REALLY remember what happened but i think i asked my then best friend to maybe perhaps not be friends with some other girl.. heh… But then, in middle school, my best friend, or so called best friend, well, gave me a taste of my own medicine. I befriended another girl, who she then asked me to stay away or else she’ll you know, break the friendship. … Let’s just say i was a bit, tiny, little, stubborn, and continued to be friends with the other. Who knew, she really did ignore me. It’s complicated shit people. Then, i can’t remember what happened (getting old…) she became great pals with the other and left me alone. GOSH. I’m not kidding. They still talked to me, we still went together and all stuff crap, but for partners for projects or trips they would partner up themselves, and well, leave me stranded to find another. Betrayal? I don’t know. Heh… We don’t you know, really know it each other since you know, high school happened…

YUP. This world is a hell of complications. It’s definitely easy to say ignore what they say about us, but it’s hard to really do so. We can’t stop people from judging us, cause judging has no limits. We can only you know, either silently weep, or stand proud. Proud of who we are. We don’t have to change for others, if we want to change, it’s up to us. And like they say, a person don’t change, they just become more of what they really are. 🙂